It's 1387.

Once you grasp Persian New Year, you begin to understand where our loud, maniacal behavior as a culture comes from.

On the eve of the last Wednesday of the year, Chahar Shanbeh Suri, bonfires are lit in public places and fools (and i mean "fools" in the sweetest way possible) jump over it shouting, "zardeeyeman az toh, soarqheh toh az man/give me your beautiful red color, and take back my sickly pallor." That's one.

Then, there's a ritual called Fal-Gush where someone makes a wish and stands at the corner of an intersection , or on a terrace or behind a wall. It's said that you'll be told your fortune through overhearing the conversation of a passerby. Kinda creepy, right? That's two.

The table setting is sort of the big staple, it's called Haft-Seen. We set up seven specific dishes each beginning with the Persian letter Sinn. 1. Sabzeh, sprouts growing in a dish symbolizing rebirth 2. Samanu, a sweet pudding made from wheat germ symbolizing affluence 3. Senjed, the dried fruit of the oleaster tree symbolizing love 4. Sir, garlic symbolizing medicine 5. Somaq, sumac berries symbolizing sunrise 6. Serkeh, vinegar symbolizing age and patience and 7. Sib, apples symbolizing beauty and health. There's also a grip of other things on the table including flowers, coins, a mirror, decorated eggs, goldfish, rosewater and the Quran, each symbolic for something different. It's one serious table set-up. That's three.

And finally we have Sizdeh Bedar marking the end of the 2 week long celebration, it literally means "thirteen to out," and figuratively means "hit the outdoors on the thirteenth." This day represents the time of chaos when families put order aside and avoid the bad luck associated with the number thirteen by going outdoors and having a blast. If you go to a park in Irvine or Los Angeles (or any other area with a large Persian population), you will witness a mass congregation of hundreds of Persian families having picnics, covering every square inch of grass. At the end of the day, ladies eager up on the marriage tip are told to tie leaves of the sabzeh before discarding it to gain luck in finding a husband before next year's Sizdah Bedar. Then finally, the sabzeh grown for the Haft Seen is thrown into running water to exorcise demons from the household. And if you're feeling mischevious, there's also one last thing associated with this day called Dorugh-e Sizdah, literally meaning "the lie of the thirteenth." It's basically playing a prank on someone, like on April Fool's Day. And that's four.

Now that all the gritty details are cleared up, let's fucking gurgle a jug of vodka distilled from grapes and dance until our fingers are bruised from ferocious party snapping. Eid Mobarak!

-ms. sunny shokrae